![]() ![]() Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? You know, I was gonna give you this after the race, but here. Why'd this happen to me?! I actually tried this time! (sobbing) Oh, honey. (starting gun fires) (Roger yells, then grunts) (sighs) Oh, my God! Are you okay? I turned my ankle but I can run it off. Everybody looks so slow! MAN (over loudspeaker): On your marks. (dial tone) Remember, the goal is to finish. A merciless demon with an unquenchable Oh, they just put more orange chicken in the buffet. The sick part is, I've come to love it- snuffing out lives. Now I can put a bullet through a man's head while figuring out how much KFC to pick up on my way home. Each time I pulled the trigger, I tied a little knot in my memory that no amount of whiskey could loosen. The first five, ten times you take a life, it's eerie. I just needed a break from work, you know? Lately, I've been thinking about all the people I've had to kill. Look, Steve, a lot of people feel more comfortable talking about personal things when it's not face-to-face. I'm gonna fail 'cause my dad went to Home Depot five years ago and never came back. Welcome to the limit Limit Take it maybe one step more The power game's still playing So you better win it (sighs) I'm gonna fail this assignment 'cause my dad won't open up. Like when you get drunk tonight and eat all the fruit leather which you claim to hate. What? His legs are shorter than his feet. You're a fatso, and you couldn't run four blocks. If I finish this marathon, I earn a medal. Am, too! Francine explained how when you work for something, it's more valuable. Whoa, that's a big deal, running a marathon. I'm training for the Langley Falls marathon. What?! But-but how am I gonna do my assignment? Maybe you don't do this one. Like, where were you born? That's getting awfully personal. What? I'm just supposed to ask some background questions, you know (laughs) about your life. It's-it's supposed to show us that history can come from anywhere. (musical trilling) Ew! Yeah, it's made out of pee-pee. You believe in me! (musical trilling) Oh, my God, you can do that? Yeah, when I'm really happy. I'm sorry, Roger, but you're taking praise for things you haven't earned. Are you good at bowling? Bowling's gross. You're supposed to get this for being good at bowling. (sniffling) Why doesn't anyone like my awards? Well, sweetheart, because you didn't earn them. I know, but it's just It's just what, Francine? He was making out like he won an Oscar. Is everything okay? There! Are you happy now?! (sobbing) Did you have to be so *** him? He was pretending to be the recipient of the highest honor awarded in the world of acting. And nothing you do in your miserable life will ever come close to what he did. Sure, he made some bad choices after the film Show Me the Money, but that Oscar is his and not yours. Gooding was awarded that for his excellence in acting. What Stan's saying is that an Oscar, like a degree, is an achievement people work really hard for. ![]() How can you say that to someone the world has recognized in so many ways? I have an Oscar! That's Cuba Gooding's Oscar. So? So you don't really have a degree in archeology. Yeah, you transferred all your credits from a fake school in Nairobi where you're also the dean, and his arch nemesis, fraternity prankster, Machmud Thikbooti. I got a Master's in Archeology from Georgetown! You didn't even go to school there. Where were you?! This was a really big deal for me. It's just you?! Where is everybody?! They said they wanted to come, but they couldn't because they didn't want to come. (applause) (cheering and whooping) Twill Ongenbone. (applause and cheering) Mark Spaznik Maznik. Good morning, USA! I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day The sun in the sky has a smile on his face And he's shining a salute to the American race Oh, boy, it's swell to say Good Good morning, USA Aah! Good morning, USA! WOMAN: Sara Luger. ![]()
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